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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.


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Wednesday, January 06, 2010

entry arrow12:41 PM | You Don't Wait

"You don't wait for inspiration to strike you," I always tell my writing students this. "There is no such thing as inspiration. There is only the act of getting up from your procrastinating butt and starting to pound that keyboard with your fingers!" And I realize just now, with some gravity anyway, that my scholastic rhetoric -- meant more to sound disarming to hapless students -- applies to the rest of life as well. Because I can't wait anymore for the rest of me to get on with the rest of my life. I feel I have been despondent too long, too sad ... too crippled with so much uncertainties. I don't know when exactly I started to get scared about things that surround and confound me, but I must admit there is this crippling fear without a name that hinders me from doing what I need to do. But what the fuck am I doing here endlessly waiting for me to get my "groove" back? I'm sick of my own excuses. I'm sick of my own beautiful words analyzing the gutter that I'm in. It's January, this should be a fresh start. Although I'm not much of a believer in New Year's resolutions, I guess I could do the next best thing -- and ... get ... off ... my ... lazy ... butt, and stop feeling scared all the time. So, no more Facebook for now. No more Twitter either, or any of those precious social networking sites that eat up a life. There will only be this blog to chart my progress through the muck. I can't wait for my spirit and my body anymore to start feeling the life. Because the days are shorter, the future always uncertain, and if I don't do something about this, I'll regret not doing anything now for the rest of my life. But in the meantime, one must learn not to panic too much: time, it's all in the head.

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