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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.
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Bibliography
The Great Little Hunter
Pinspired Philippines, 2022
The Boy The Girl
The Rat The Rabbit
and the Last Magic Days
Chapbook, 2018
Republic of Carnage:
Three Horror Stories
For the Way We Live Now
Chapbook, 2018
Bamboo Girls:
Stories and Poems
From a Forgotten Life
Ateneo de Naga University Press, 2018
Don't Tell Anyone:
Literary Smut
With Shakira Andrea Sison
Pride Press / Anvil Publishing, 2017
Cupful of Anger,
Bottle Full of Smoke:
The Stories of
Jose V. Montebon Jr.
Silliman Writers Series, 2017
First Sight of Snow
and Other Stories
Encounters Chapbook Series
Et Al Books, 2014
Celebration: An Anthology to Commemorate the 50th Anniversary of the Silliman University National Writers Workshop
Sands and Coral, 2011-2013
Silliman University, 2013
Handulantaw: Celebrating 50 Years of Culture and the Arts in Silliman
Tao Foundation and Silliman University Cultural Affairs Committee, 2013
Inday Goes About Her Day
Locsin Books, 2012
Beautiful Accidents: Stories
University of the Philippines Press, 2011
Heartbreak & Magic: Stories of Fantasy and Horror
Anvil, 2011
Old Movies and Other Stories
National Commission for Culture
and the Arts, 2006
FutureShock Prose: An Anthology of Young Writers and New Literatures
Sands and Coral, 2003
Nominated for Best Anthology
2004 National Book Awards
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© 2002-2021
IAN ROSALES CASOCOT
Thursday, January 20, 2011
1:41 PM |
The Discreet Charms of People We Love
I easily fall for charm. But then again, so do most of us. There's something about charm that waylays our natural impulse to protect ourselves: it makes us let go, it makes us vulnerable. But charm is a mask, something that can be cultivated given the right training and time. And when it falls away to reveal the regular monster within, we are flabbergasted by how much we have been taken in, by how much we have allowed ourselves to be fooled, by how much we have fallen in love. Once I was in love with someone whose charm was boyish and calculated to let anyone --
anyone -- fall in love with him. It also helped that he was talented in so many ways, and so it was easy for him to lend credence to that edifice of charm. But I knew there was a heavy darkness behind it. Behind closed doors and far away from other people, he would regularly recite to me a litany of hatred for the rest of the world. I was there for him because I was in love with him once. And I never thought his darkness could touch me. But it did. Once I also fell for a man who made me feel different, or at least he treated me differently. I was used to being the nurturer to people I love, but here's this gentle, soft-spoken man from Manila who treated me in that strange
cariƱoso way. He would ask me, "Have you eaten? Are you warm enough? Are you comfortable? Can you snuggle closer to me?" I fell for that. And then it turned out it was a farce, a big city man's experiment on a provincial soul. But here's this other one, this boy I love, even until today. He is beautiful in that careless way, and he is the most charming soul to everybody he knows -- except perhaps those who love him. In that respect, he can be cruel and demanding. And I've hung on for the longest time because he knew how to push the right buttons. A few days ago, I finally said enough. Now I go through the withdrawal pains of loving someone hard, but at least I said "Enough."
Labels: life, love
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