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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.

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Saturday, March 07, 2009

entry arrow1:08 AM | A Conversation About High School Crushes During a Violin Concert

While the seven year old prodigy was beguiling the Luce audience with her violin playing, Rosewell, an old friend, and I got to talking about high school crushes. In hushed voices, while the sound of the violin fills the halls of the theater.

Me: I don't know...

Rosewell: Oh, come on. Tell me.

Me: Well, there was this one guy. No, two. No, three.

Rosewell: One, or two? Or three?

Me: I guess, when you are still in high school, you never even really think about it. What's to think? I mean, we must have known we liked this one guy or that one guy -- but I guess we can be in so much denial about our desires as well. How seriously naive we were. Can you imagine me earnestly thinking I was in love with Monica Martinez? I mean, what was up with that?

Rosewell: But you're not answering my question.

Me: ... I'm getting to it. Somebody asked me this question na before man gud, and it got me to thinking, really. Who did I have a crush on in high school ba? And was I even aware of it?

Rosewell: V.L. had a crush on you.

Me: Oh yeah. I bet that's not true. Why would V.L. have a crush on me? I was a scrawny kid... But I do remember V.L. taking my hand once after English class with Ma'am Banas, and led me to the CR. The one near the Principal's Office.

Rosewell: The girls' CR?

Me: That one.

Rosewell: And...?

Me: I don't know. I remember my mind racing, I was thinking, what was she trying to do ba?

Rosewell: Kiss you?

Me: Good God.

Rosewell: She must have kissed half the boys in our batch.

Me: Di naman siguro. I'm not sure the reputation we heaped on her was all true. High school can be wicked baya. But anyway, when she began closing the door, I think I mumbled something, and ran away.

Rosewell: Hehehe.

Me: Anyway, it got me thinking. I remember thinking J.Y. was quite cute. I liked his curly hair then. He was lean, and he had the brightest mestizo eyes.

Rosewell: He was going out with M.F. then, right?

Me: Yup.

Rosewell: But he was an upperclass guy. What about in our batch?

Me: Si J.P.P. But everybody had a crush on him, so I think nadala ra pud ko.

Rosewell: Plus he was the only one who had a Pajero.

Me: Yeah... J.P.P. doesn't really count then. It would be boring to even think about him.

Rosewell: Anyway...

Me: Anyway. I had a crush on you once.

Rosewell: Bullshit.

Me: True! You were seriously hot, Rose. Hehehe. Had a crush on J.D., too.

Rosewell: Why ba all of them starts with the letter "J"? And most of them soccer players, too?

Me: Ay, ambot. So typical, no? Crushes on the jocks? How utterly common.

Rosewell: Yup. All the girls in our batch had a crush on J.P.P.

Me: And probably a third of the boys as well. Hehehehe.

Rosewell: Hehehe.

Me: Then there's V.L.

Rosewell: At least this one's a V.

Me: Wait lang. Soccer player din yun dati, di ba?

Rosewell: Oh yeah...

Me: Didn't you love the way he was in high school? The clean cut hair, the slow walk, the crisp uniform?

Rosewell: He looked like a virginal boy waiting to be ravished.

Me: Mismo.

Rosewell: He has a wife and a kid now.

Me: Why?

Rosewell: He goes to the bank once in a while, to pay his HSBC bill.

Me: How come I don't ever see him around Dumaguete anymore?

Rosewell: Heck, we don't even see each other that much.

Me: But Dumaguete's small.

Rosewell: With too many places to hide. Hehehe.

Me: Anyway. Eventually it dawned on me now, years and years after high school... There was this one boy, actually. Remember him? He dropped out of our batch man gud. He never really graduated with us. But I've been thinking about him since somebody asked me this stupid high school crush question. And I realize, only now, that my God, he was my biggest high school crush pala. I just didn't know it then.

Rosewell: In denial?

Me: Mismo.

Rosewell: Who ba?

Me: Si J.A.

Rosewell: Come on. Another "J"?

Me: Oh God, you're right! And another soccer player, too.

Rosewell: Let's just say you have a type, hehehe.

Me: But seriously, sometimes there are nights when I think about where he is, right now. Is he still the same? Or has he grown fat and ugly, like most of our classmates?

Rosewell: Ikaw jud.

Me: But it's true!

Rosewell: Di ba he transferred to Foundation University?

Me: Yup, and nag-uban pa man gani mi ato niya sa Bohol, where we were part of the Regional Schools Press Conference. He was a photographer for their school paper then. That was, I think, the last time I ever saw him.

Rosewell: Maybe he's in Friendster. Check him out.

Me: I deleted my Friendster account na. It was becoming a little too baduy.

Rosewell: Facebook?

Me: Searched for him a thousand times. There's a J.A. somewhere in there, but it's not him.

Rosewell: Google?

Me: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It is as if he doesn't exist at all.

Rosewell: Maybe you just imagined him. Maybe he doesn't really exist.

Me: If that's the case, this life is not worth living anymore.

Rosewell: Drama ka.

Me: Mismo.

The violin prodigy has finished playing. The audience erupts into a wild applause.

Rosewell: Uy, the kid's finished na pala.

Me: Wasn't that the best concert ever?

Rosewell: The best.

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