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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.

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Monday, November 04, 2019

entry arrow11:49 PM | Spark and Accidental Beauty

Grace comes from the most unexpected places. I've been trying to climb out of a dark hole all week, and knew it was not enough to get up and face myself in the mirror and say, "Enough." There are no magic words for this sort of thing. So I went out for dinner today, to face just a bit the world I had not seen in days, wanting to read a little while I sated the hunger that had festered for hours. And while in the middle of reading an Emily Dickinson poem ["I measure every Grief I meet / With narrow, probing, eyes – / I wonder if It weighs like Mine – / Or has an Easier size"] over chicken wings [honey-glazed], a couple of guitar-bearing minstrels came inside the cafe I was in to sing songs for coin. They sang Spiral Starecase's "More Today Than Yesterday" first, and then The Carpenters's "I Won't Last a Day Without You" next, their voices a surprise, a blend of something almost marvelous. And I found myself tearing up a bit to recognise the elusive and familiar light, the elusive and familiar ease of breathing, and the elusive and familiar spark deep inside my brain. There is no formula for these things. The shadows come fast and go away slow, but when they go, I find that it is almost always at the instance of accidentally stumbled upon beauty, a kind of foundling grace.

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