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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

entry arrow6:44 PM | Sundays and the Art of Introspection

Sunday afternoons are my times of greatest comfort. The hours are particularly slow, and the kind of sunshine that abounds is the type that I find bearable. There is a softness to it that tells you everything is all right, even when the world threatens to consume you with all its rabid drama. Sundays have a way of banishing demons, and I am grateful for that. Most Sunday afternoons, I try to find a nook in the city quiet enough for me to be able to commune with my thoughts -- usually that is one corner of Don Atilano's while I drink a cup or two of what The New York Times has called the best coffee this side of the Philippines (this claim is very much open to your disagreement, of course). Most of the time, I catch up with my reading backlog while feeling the caffeine coursing through my veins. Sometimes though, I just listen to music, and think about what has happened in the past week, and what I must expect in the coming days. It's comfortably cleansing. I used to do this a lot a long time ago, and life was great then. Today, I think about last night's party in El Camino. How fun it was, and how packed with people -- mostly students who called me "sir" all night, although that did not stop me from enjoying myself and letting go. (I'm sure they must be surprised by all these -- good for them -- but I also know that when Monday comes, I'll be the same exacting professor once more, hehehe.)When I think about it, I have been partying too much the last month or so. Which makes me pause: Am I doing this to fill up a "hole" in my life, to make myself think that I am all right despite everything? I ask this because I know for a fact that all of us are capable of living out necessary delusions just to cope with the undercurrent of madness that typify our lives. Am I truly happy? Because I certainly feel so. Yet at the same time, I can't help but try to see whether aspects of this confession is just a lie to comfort myself.

So, let me think about it...

[Pregnant pause.]

Yep. I am happy.


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