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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.


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Sunday, February 22, 2009

entry arrow11:01 PM | The Lights Over in Kichijoji

He tells the day to end now, and for the evening to come to a breathless close. He needs the solitary dark, and the comforting quiet. Because he's confused about what he's feeling. He knows he doesn't need this. So why is this stupid feeling even there? Why does he feel this way? He tells himself, you wanted this, so deal with it. But he hates the hollow sound that last statement made. Hates it. He wants back the solid but fading certainty of recent days. He wants to be able to say, once more, that he's okay. But he will go to sleep now knowing that tomorrow will be another day, another battle, another reckoning with old things surfacing. Great God Almighty. He looks forward to licking the scars. The scars, he secretly knows, are always the most beautiful thing in everything bathed in exquisite pain. He looks forward to telling his tale in the first person once more. He looks forward to the black-and-white. He looks forward to the end of the story. He looks forward to the beautiful scars... In the distance, the lights over the city seem to fade, in his sight, into the dark high above. But beneath that, they glow, still, like a cancer that will not go away. What an ugly city, he says, and how so beautiful.

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