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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

entry arrow11:16 PM | You Are So Beautiful.

"It is finitude that makes beauty possible. I guess the beloved is beautiful precisely because he cannot be possessed, or because he can easily be lost."
J. Neil C. Garcia

All I know is that, in the end, the world is beautiful. Even the pain that this familiar hollowness brings. In the brief and quiet moment when I reflect on what has happened, I tell myself that I may have become the virtuoso of such terrible forms of beauty. Now I see through my window an evening sheathed in the music of crickets and the occasional noise of distant tricycles, while nearby the wafting odors of a dinner being prepared next door beckon like a temptation. Nothing else stirs, and my senses shift. So I tell myself to breathe deep, and I take in the music, the sounds of quieting traffic, the tantalizing memories of a thousand heartfelt meals -- and the sudden unbearable knowledge that I have said goodbye. It feels absolute, the finality of things.

I hope you will remember that I had caressed your face tonight. I hope you will remember that I had touched your lips lightly with mine, all rushing desire kept still by the knowledge that restraint is so much more lovely. I hope you will remember that I had softly kissed each of your eye as I went about the task to commit to memory the geography of you.

“You are so beautiful,” I told you softly, just enough so that you could hear me without disturbing the quiet that enveloped us.

And then between that and the last goodbye at the gate which would you lead you to a path that will separate, with the decisiveness of the stars, you and me, I will remember nothing else. Nothing except that sadness in your eyes and the lilt in your mouth and the loving way the darkness of the encroaching evening embraced you.

You are so beautiful.

Memories were invented to keep you.

[photo courtesy of another country]

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