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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

entry arrow7:40 PM | Clarity

Crossroads in one's life often force us to take stock of the things around us. Tomorrow, I leave Dumaguete for a long-sojourn in a foreign place. I know I will be back very soon -- time flies, after all -- but already the immediate future seems to me to be all a merry mix of sweet uncertainty, unmapped adventures, and possible turning points that can lead me to a different path altogether. I don't know. And yet, that unknowingness feels all right.

So now, in the spirit of turning points, I look back at everything in my life until this moment, and I see with a kind of clarity -- perhaps you can call that maturity? wisdom by way of hard experience? -- the many instances of utter confusion and exquisite heartaches that dot my past. As these things had unfolded then, they had held no sense, no reason. They begat only questions, recriminations. I clearly had no patience. Because now, I see them suddenly as key moments -- vital and necessary the way the heart violently throbs and pumps blood to keep us all alive -- that would in fact lead to something better, or at least hopeful, in time. I guess it is only too human of us to never really be able to recognize the future that began, as a seed, shrouded in pain and being lost.

There is a reason why God has given me this and that, and all in His time. I will not question it. I will just hurl myself into the graciousness that is His plan and delight, when he can, in the revelations.

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