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This is the blog of Ian Rosales Casocot. Filipino writer. Sometime academic. Former backpacker. Twink bait. Hamster lover.

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Sunday, February 03, 2019

entry arrow3:47 PM | The Heart Can Be Unforgiving Above All Things

There are people I’ve known in my life I’ve come to pretend don’t exist, or if barring that, to pretend that I have never ever known them. And the stance becomes such a given, instinctive even, that on ordinary days when I happen to meet them on the street, or in a cafe, or inside a tricycle, I catch myself giving them an airy glance and then I feel my eyes going beyond them, as if all I see are ghostly traces I have no vocabulary for; the erasure of recognition is such a performance that I actually find my heart lurching just a little. It is doing this dance, I think, of a little guilt, but also bountiful resoluteness. I don’t know you, my heart says. But of course I do, it continues, and I know what you have done to me and now you’re just a shadow my eyes do not care to see. He knows it, too, this old friend of mine that I see in this cafe on a Sunday afternoon. Our eyes meet for a second, and he looks away. And I go on playing pretend, my unforgiving heart dancing, dancing, dancing the unforgiving tango.


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